A friend said that I could have more fun if I sploshed myself in the bath. The mess would be contained, and I could wash it down the drain after, and I was dying to know what other food felt like over more than my lips. I already knew yogurt was an instant turn on, why not custard or syrup?

I'd just put a cake in the oven and smeared the bright green batter stuck on the bottom of the bowl all over my slim, naked body with a spatula (green tea, in case you were wondering), and I was hyped to lose my sploshing virginity. I even put on a random playlist of cello music to help set the mood.

There were black soy beans in syrup that I'd made for the cake, and I put the excess liquid in a bowl. I also mixed the leftover custard and Chantilly cream I'd whipped up in a separate bowl and was looking forward to all the sensations layering over my body. In a sense, I was going to become the same cake that was baking in the cozy, hot oven in the adjacent kitchen.

Then I got in the bath. Despite it being summer when I took this, it was cold, damp, and smelled strongly of body soap which competed with the sugared scents of what should have been a fun time.

Still, I was determined, so I decided to splosh the black syrup on me first. It was fucking freezing. The liquid bit at my nipples, drawing them out into hard little points as the thin syrup cascaded down in a dark waterfall that contrasted with my pale skin tone. The batter which had dried on my body softened as I rubbed it all in, smudging the green batter like paint. The cold turned me on, so I felt ready to fleck myself with artistic dabs of the dairy and egg concoction, gearing up for another horny session with myself and confection.

That's when it went downhill. The smell of custard and Chantilly didn't mix well with the body soap that permeated the bathroom. Custardy cream splashed over the walls of the rectangular tub. I became aware that the cramped metal tub didn't allow for room to stretch or masturbate, and the cream and custard turned everything into a slick mess. Seriously, that crap should come with a warning, 'Caution: slippery when wet.' I couldn't even stand, so I slid around like a mermaid who's just gotten legs for the first time, try to get into it again, but the spark had already vanquished itself.

The visuals are pretty, and it's still hot in an avant-garde sort of way. Rated 'E' for a good first effort.